A Beardie's Standard for Owners
We Beardies have noted with interest that our owners have recently been holding earnest debates about the correct standard for us Beardies and, talking it over at a recent show, we decided that the least we could do was to return the compliment. We have worked out our own standard for Beardie Owners. Some of my fellow Beardies felt strongly that owners should conform to the original working breed: the Scottish hill farmer and shepherd, and should wear the kilt, sport a shaggy beard, live on porridge and whisky, play the bagpipes in the evening by a peat fire and issue orders in Gaelic. Other Beardies pointed out that, according to one theory, we originated in the Crimea and so our owners should travel about on shaggy little horses, which would make it difficult to get the darned shows started on time.
Temperament: The standard is not rigorous. Provided the owner is kindly, tolerant, forgiving, patient, generous and good fun to be with, we are prepared to overlook any minor shortcomings.
General Build: We were unable to agree on a fixed standard, since all the Beardies thought their own owners were ideal; but it was generally agreed that owners ought to be able to support the weight of an enthusiastic Beardie who welcomes them by leaping up, putting the front paws on the chest, and giving the face a huge lick. A tendency to fall over backwards, shouting and cursing, should be faulted.
The Head: The eye should always have a tolerant expression, be alert to the Beardie's needs and, preferably, should be looking the other way if the Beardie is up to mischief. The ear should be attuned to those little grumbling noises that indicate that the Beardie wants people to move and give him the best place in front of the fire. The nose should readily distinguish those good things around the kitchen that the Beardie would like to sample.
The Arm: These should be long enough to enable the hand to retain a hold on the end of the lead even if the Beardie pauses on a walk to sniff at something several yards behind the owner, or even fancies a dash up the wrong drive. We Beardies agreed that there is a general shortcoming in that most arms only seem to be about a yard long. Some of the stronger Beardies said they were doing their best to stretch their owners' arms but were having little success.
The Legs: One pup suggested that it was enough if the legs were long enough to reach the ground when the owner stood up. He was ignored, but the others agreed there could be no fixed standard, though the knack of keeping the legs out of the way of the lead, no matter where the Beardie gets to, is recommended. It was also pointed out that when the owner is seated, the legs should not stretch across the places the Beardie has picked out for himself.
Awards: It was suggested that Beardies should hold regular shows at which owners compete for prizes offered by Beardies for those meeting our standard. But it was pointed out that the Kennel Club would never agree and it would be necessary for us to form a People Club to authorize championship shows, and not many of us are good at administration. After further discussion it was agreed that shows for owners are not necessary, because anybody lucky enough to own a Beardie has already been rewarded.
— Pat McDonald for the Rocky Mountain Bearded Collie Connection